what we found out

I do realize that I left most of you hanging with the Punk/School situation.

Here's a quick update.

After Christmas break Punk and I had a long talk. At that point, he had spent the better part of the month doing everything in his power to "make a good situation for himself." And while both his father and I applauded the effort, we were not so certain that the life lessons he learned were great ones. In essence, this is what Punk took away from it:

"When people are nasty to you, it is your fault."
"If an adult says 'I don't like your personality' (OH yes she did), then you have a responsibility to change who you are."
"Even when you don't understand what you did wrong, tiptoe around the people that you seem to be pissing off just to make them happy."

I am not sure those are the type of things I want Punk to be taking from his elementary education.

However, in the interest of fair and honest coverage, I decided to ask around. I didn't want to be anybody's fool, and while I truly believe that he is a good kid, nobody's perfect, and I wanted to investigate before we made any real decisions.

After all, the current principal had assured us all the Punk had "Deep and serious social issues. That the entire staff was EXTREMELY worried about him." She made him sound like Columbine material - and if that were the case, something had to be done - NOW.

First stop was his former elementary principal. I stopped into her office, did not even have to introduce myself. She asked right away, "How is Punk? How does he like his new school? I really miss that kid."

What? MY kid? The future Unabomber? Seriously?

She went on to say that one of the most endearing traits about him is that everyone who knew him (and most people did) liked him. His teachers knew that if they put Punk in a group, the group would work together and get along - it's the kind of guy he is.
She went on to say that Punk was a highly gifted child, mentally, emotionally, and socially - a child with absolutely "NO social issues whatsoever" (an unprompted comment I might add). She continued to elaborate on the fact that he seemed to do well in any environment, was polite, courteous and appropriately funny.

When I shared some of his current issues at the new school, she looked almost sad and said, "Oh - I would hate to see Punk lose his fantastic sense of humor and become one of those people who forgets how to joke around just because he is trying to please somebody else."

OH
MY
GOD!

Far cry from "Punk, this goofing around persona you have just isn't working for you. Maybe you should try something else." (The last words his current principal spoke to him.)

Alright - so that was only one opinion right?
That's what I thought too.
So, in an effort to maintain Punk's self esteem, I took both he and Kooka back to the old school to wish their former teachers a Merry Christmas.

The reception was unreal.

As he walked down the hallway, kids came out of their rooms shouting his name, high fiving him, asking if he was coming back. Teachers shook his hand - not just HIS teacher, LOTS of teachers. They said they missed him. One class invited him to just come hang out for a while, while Kook and I walked to the other wing.

WTF?!! Does this sound like a kid with poor social skills? A kid who "looks for conflict"? A kid who I should be EXTREMELY worried about?!

Sooooooo - being the pessimist I am, I still wanted to know what was going on. I mean, Punk's troubles could not possibly be the result an overly defensive administrator going to any length at all to save face . . . could it?

Maybe the kids at this school are different. Maybe the parenting styles are not the same. Maybe Punk does not fit in with the kids at the new school - maybe it is that.

Which does not explain, why out of the 10 boys in his class, Punk has been invited to 5 birthday parties this year, 7 sleepovers, and who knows what else. It also does not explain what happened to my "socially deviant" son this afternoon.

As I was picking him up from yet another birthday party today, (a birthday party attended by kids from his NEW school) the birthday boy's mom approached me. "Oh," she said, "Brent just LOVES having Punk as a friend. He always said such good things about him, and when I met him myself today, I could see that they were all true. Punk is such a lovely child, an absolute delight. What a wonderful soul he is - thank you so much for letting him be here today."

Uhhhh - you're welcome.

But as she is gushing - another mom steps up and interrupts, "Are you Punk's mom? I am Erik's mom, and he is just dying to have Punk come over to play, he talks about him all of the time, and has been pestering me for weeks."

OK.

And you won't believe this - but as this mom is finishing up, Mom number THREE steps in to ask if I think HER son and Punk can play sometime, because Punk is (and I quote) "The kind of boy all mom's want their kids to hang out with."

Yeah - and when we get home - friend number 4 from new school wants to come over and play.

Where the hell is the principal now? Can I tape record this? Do I need to depose these women in her office?


Anyway - this is where we end up:

Punk and I had a long talk. I told him that I appreciate how hard he worked to make things better for himself, but that he deserved better than what he was getting from the adults around him. He deserves to be surrounded by people who believe in his innate goodness, not people who constantly question his personality.

A huge grin spread over his face.
"Mom," he said, "I just feel so good about myself now. I was starting to think that I really was a bad kid. That I was a troublemaker. I didn't even know what I had done, but I felt like everyone thought it, so it must be true. But when I saw my old teachers, and hear those things from my friend's mom's, I know who I am. I am a good person, and it feels really nice to hear THAT for a change."

I bet it does.

So I will say it again.

Punk is a great kid.
He has a beautiful heart and an amazing spirit.
He is loyal, peaceful and honest.
He believes in doing the right thing, even when it is difficult.

And right now, I am sickened by the people who tried to make me believe I was wrong about that.
Even more sickened that they tried to make HIM believe it.