the great american road trip - day 1

If you know us at all - you already know the story. Two weeks, eleven states - and this is day one.

For now, we are hunkered down in Big Springs, Nebraska - a Motel 6 where "they'll leave a light on for you". Would be a nice touch if the same could be said of the pool drain covers. For the past 30 minutes I have been waiting for the woman in the kiddie pool to have the sweat pants she is swimming in forcibly sucked from her body.

"Only in Nebraska." It's been the mantra for the day So many things have us scratching our heads - and most of them occurred at the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha.

The Doorly Zoo boasts the largest indoor rainforest in the world. At first glance, it's a pretty amazing scene - real waterfalls, rope bridges crossing watery gorges, ivy and vines hanging everywhere . . . it looks exactly like something Punk would build.

Which is the whole problem. The cleanliness, craftsmanship and safety precautions are about up to 4th grade standard.

The first board on the rope bridge is loose - way loose - spins 180° loose, even Punk takes off a little timidly. The rock walkways are slick with mud and water - good thing we brought those Keens.


Punk's favorite section is the Kingdom of the Night. It is here that we see vampire bats drinking cereal bowls full of blood. Here, that we wander through a simultaneous awe-inspiring, terrifying realistic swamp. There is nothing but a ramshackle wooden footbridge and a bit of chainlink fence between our feet and a swampy pool of 7 foot Florida gators. Add to this, the fact that it is pitch black in this exhibit - it's not like we can see anything anyway. And at one point both Kooka and I are fairly startled to see a particularly fat gator less than 6 inches from our foot. There is nothing to keep the oppossums on possum island, and there is a conspicuous lack of volunteers in the swamp. I half expect that creepy voodoo lady from Pirates of the Carribean to pop up and start telling us about the mating habits of the Boat Bill Heron.

And then there is the grotto. I can't even begin to describe this - it's late, we are exhausted, but let's suffice it to say, that this is a disaster waiting to happen - a disaster of Baby Jessica proportions. Right after a blind corner, there is a ten foot deep pool - open - no gate, surrounded by unstable footing. At first we thought it was some sort of clever mirror trick, or at least a plexiglass covered pool - but nooooooo - not in Nebraska! It was indeed - just what it looked like - a 10 foot deep well, waiting for an overexuberant toddler, or an old man in a hoverround to take that blind corner too quickly. (I admit, morbid curiosity did force me to linger there a bit longer than I should have.) Here is a picture of Punk and Kooka peering over the edge.


The rest of the cave was filled with bat cages held together with questionable sections of patched chicken wire. Thankfully the blood-sucking ones were behind glass. Needless to say, when the "fire alarm" went off, and the attendant told us she wasn't sure what the problem was, we assumed that a gila monster had jumped the fence, or another body was being pulled from the grotto, and we headed for the aquarium.

Anyway - tomorrow is Colorado, and a bit of Utah.

Maybe I will do tomorrow justice . . . but for now, if I could skip over Nebraska I would.