I am a city girl - always have been. I am the one high stepping through the tall grass, lest any grasshoppers make a sneak attack and somehow wiggle their way into my pristine Keenes. But for Punk and Kooka's sake, I try.
Today we went to the Big Woods State Park. The hike started out as they always do - with me, unwilling to set off until I found an adequate snake beatin' stick. Never-you-mind that there are still patches of slushy snow on the ground, if you have seen the April serpent mating pictures at Carleton - you would not go into that woods unarmed either.
I figure the stick will also come in handy when that starving mountain lion leaps out of a tree and starts devouring one or both of my children. I think there is only one endangered lynx left in the state, but I am pretty sure he migrates to whichever scenic vista happens to appeal to my family, and when he finally decides to show himself, I am gonna need a weapon. The lady on Dateline who got her face torn off by a bobcat had a stick - and she is alive to tell the tale.
We make our way down the muddy trail. Punk is disappointed that there are no cold-blooded creatures wiggling about yet, but I am quite happy to see only birds and the occasional squirrel. It is a pretty nice walk, except for the fact that we are the only people in the woods. What if a black bear comes along? I think to myself that they will only find us when they realize my vehicle permit has expired for the day. When they finally send out a search party, they'll find nothing but Kooka's explorer hat, a mangled set of Keenes, and Punk up a tree with his eyes closed screaming like a baby.
Suddenly I am freaking out that there is nobody in the woods. Evening is chow time for mountain lions - maybe there was a bobcat warning posted at the entrance and we missed it. Crap! We are going to be bear food and nobody will even know it until it's too late.
Thankfully, two more hikers come along. I am temporarily relieved. But these guys don't look like the hiking type. One is like 250 lbs, wearing a cowboy hat, rhinestone boots, and an engraved belt buckle. The other is even bigger with an Abercrombie hoodie slung over his shoulders. What an unlikely pair. Why are they here? Probably to find a small family to murder and dump their bodies in a vast wooded area. I grip my snake stick even harder and check my cell phone. There is no signal.
Cowboy tips his hat, and Abercrombie says, "Great day, isn't it!"
I pretend they are not serial killers and say, "It's beautiful, have a great hike."
Needless to say, we made it back a alive, and from the looks of these pictures, you'd never know it was such a dangerous expedition.
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